Why did Eudaimonia get started?

In 2014, I found myself unemployed and somewhat of a mess; I was at a low ebb. I kept trying to foist myself down a path in which I could no longer continue and I recognised I needed to address this.

Since leaving school, I had been trying to find what would make me happy professionally with little success. I had tried university, twice, but couldn’t see it through to completion. Following these academic attempts, I relied on my organisational skills to work in administration whilst trying to figure it all out. I gained some pleasure from the fact that I was working my way up some sort of administrative pecking order during that time. 

Many times in that period, I accepted temporary contracts or worked for organisations that I had no real interest in, proffering that it was a better to have a job than none at all. After several years of this and recognising that perhaps I was underselling myself, I went for a job that was permanent and working for the second in command of a company. 

By now I was 30 years old, living with a partner, experiencing a financial freedom I never previously had, bought my ideal car and I was one corporate position from getting to the ‘top’. So if this was ‘it’  how is it I was still bored, unfulfilled and though I couldn’t see it then, massively unhappy? I kept thinking there was something wrong with me, that perhaps everyone feels this way, and that I just needed to knuckle under and work through it.

Still, whilst the mind wrangled, I made moves to get me on a better path. At the same time as taking that job, I was mindful I could end up some 30 years later having never undertaken that other thing so I considered my options. I could keep scattergunning my approach and grabbing at lots of different careers, with a view of starting at the bottom and working my way up yet having done that once, I couldn’t see how I would fair any better this time round.

I knew then that I wanted training and a qualification to give me a better grounding all the while being a shorter time commitment than higher education. The reality of my age and stage had not escaped me; I had bills to pay, so if I were to train, I had to be able to do it outside of my current work.

I started looking at what I could train in around my office hours which wouldn’t take over 3 years to qualify. The shortlist consisted of all jobs that appealed, no matter how fanciful, and there was one common theme that underpinned them all, the job had to help people.

Massage therapy was on that list. At uni, whilst my friends and I were gathered around watching the TV, I would often idly rub their neck and shoulders, with them sitting on the floor and I on the sofa. I never really thought anything of it until a friend of a friend approached me to help him with his lower back pain, something he had sustained whilst playing football, and he’d heard I might be able to help. I, of course had no idea what I was doing, but I wanted to make it better even if my knowledge wasn’t there (clearly as the erudite professional I now am, I don’t advocate setting yourself up like this).

A friend, observing this then turned to me and said:

‘Have you ever considered doing this for a career?’

‘Nah’ I replied, ‘I can’t see myself running a business’.

The subtext to this was that I couldn’t see how I would make it a career and that it didn’t fit my white collar world view of what I thought work had to be at the time. I don’t know if that friend recalls that conversation, but he’s never smugly pulled an I told you so moment since. 

Back to the shortlist –  looking further into massage therapy and more things started to appeal. From the school’s syllabus, the tutor, the location, the time, to the costs – everything was ticking the right boxes and following a meeting with the tutor, I enrolled.  I really enjoyed the training! I loved working with my hands, helping people and learning about anatomy. It was the right blend of purposeful, problem solving, stimulating, working with connection and calming. I thrived.

Yet, the puzzle wasn’t complete. After I qualified, I hadn’t got a plan about turning massage therapy into a profession. I had enjoyed studying and the structure of my training but I hadn’t teased enough of the idea out into thinking this could be my career. So it stayed, dormant, whilst I wrestled with my existential crisis of my office job. It was too bigger leap it seems – I wanted my office job with all its security and laid out career paths and nice pay packet to transform into the thing that would fulfil me. I kept thinking if I held out long enough, how I felt about my job would change.

Alongside this quandry, I started an inadviseable relationship with a colleague. Though by this point I was single, the circumstances of the relationship never looked favourable and the warning signs of mixing business with pleasure were all there. When it inevitably ended and he wanted to remove himself from the situation, the company in the most non-litigious way possible backed him to stay and wanted me to leave.

So there I had it, I had failed at a job I didn’t want, was managed out under a cloud, lost all the security I was holding onto and found myself unemployed, living on my own and staring into a chasm of disappointment and loss at 32.

This moment right here was one of my most pivotal; the point of divergence. It was time for a change.

Acknowledging that I had been doing a great impression of an octopus trying to grab onto as many branches as possible (trees, their natural habitat) in an attempt to make something stick or to feel secure, I knew I had to give myself some time.

I earmarked a month as my timeframe to take stock, feel sorry for myself and work out what my next step should be. I knew after that I would need to start earning to pay my bills. Two significant things happened in this period.

The first was a conversation I had with a close friend, where I was lamenting what had happened and not yet knowing what my next step was. They gently but firmly said:

‘But you do already have a job right?

Confused, I said ‘How do you mean?’

‘Well you trained as a massage therapist over a year ago didn’t you?’

Yep, yes I did… that was me. Why did I train in that if I wasn’t going to do something with it? I really had no good reason.

However, it wasn’t until I went on a coaching weekend course (something I had signed up for when I was employed) that the decision was made. Coaching takes you from where you are to where you want to be by identifying things that are holding you back (limiting beliefs, resources, circumstances) and plotting a way forward; working with and through those barriers.

After my first day, I was aware of how much fear I was holding onto around failure and other people’s expectations; lots of things were clouding my judgement, but if I stripped it back not worrying at all about other people, what did I want to do?

I wanted to be a massage therapist, and I wanted to start my own business.

After such a tumultuous period, I was so calm and clear that day. Coming home from that course I was really energised and I thought ‘I’ve actually got nothing to lose anymore, I’ve tried the more traditional ways and they haven’t worked so all I can do is try this and see what happens’.

That was just over 10 years ago and shows just how powerful it can be when you start living by what is true for you irrespective of anyone else or their expectations. Even if you don’t know the how yet, start with your why and the rest can be worked out.

It’s clear to me now the patterns and behaviours that were driving me then both in my professional and personal spheres. They drove me to make some unhealthy, inauthentic choices. I was always trying to attain purpose; wanting what I did to have meaning and who I was to matter. Though I may not have always loved what I did within administration, there were definitely times where what I did was necessary to the organisation but the fact that who I was didn’t bear any consequence, really bothered me.

Perhaps it was a fragile need unmet, or something born of ego but for me to feel fulfilled, I needed both. Knowing now that I work on interventions that positively impact a person’s health and how I interact with clients can make all the difference to their experience feels the perfect balance for both them and me.

I can’t conceal that Eudaimonia’s inception was born from a moment of clarity in what had been a very messy and painful time in my life. At times I held onto the business hard because it was the only thing I had and I was so desperate to make lemonade from lemons that for it not to have worked out, would have been too devasting.

With hindsight I can see that the pickles I kept finding myself in were in reaction to not being true to who I was & not stepping back enough to work out anything further than the next step. I needed to keep making those mistakes to hammer home what it is I should be doing. All those twists and turns springboarded me onto a better path for which I am grateful but it was bloody hard work, both getting to that place where something had to give and then moving forward with it.